Today I need my Dad! I don't miss him, I NEED him. I am sitting alone at my desk, thinking, ‘What should I do?’ Deep in thought, without realizing it I say out loud, “Dad, tell me what to do. Is this just jumping off a cliff? Or is this the big step I need to take to get to my future?”
Anger and frustration over takes my indecision. I continue to talk to him. “Where are you when I need you? You had always been there for me! It’s hard to hear you from so far away. Dad why are you not here. Why do I have to image what you are telling me. I need to know. To really know.”
My Dad died over ten years ago, so I am used to life without him. I haven’t missed him like this for years. To just think of him today would be unusual, but to have the emotional urgency to NEED him has overwhelmed me.
I calm myself down, somewhat. I am breathing again, but tears are still streaming down my checks. I let them drip onto my shirt. I say again out loud, “Dad, really tell me what to do. This is too big a decision to do without you.”
Once again, I tell myself to calm down, so I can hear his answer. I start over in my mind. Seriously, I can do this. I need to know his answer, his thoughts. I can do this. Think, remember, think, remember his guidance from the past. I close my eyes to help me think.
Dad is sitting in his green lazy boy. I am sitting on the couch across from him. As he sits I know I only have a moment to start the conversation before he turns the TV on and my moment will be lost. He pauses, he must sense I need to talk. I seriously don’t know where to start, this is so hard. I thought I could explain it. But I am lost. He does know I need to talk, because he asks me, “How are things going with your new business?”
Wow, that is exactly how it would go. He would just know and even know the right subject and he would just ask. That is all I would need to get started. No wonder I couldn’t think of what to ask him. I never could start the conversation. He would. As I sit alone with my eyes closed, I go back to our conversation.
I answer his question about my GIGS business. “I feel like I am restarting.” He looks concerned. I clarify, “Not in a bad way. Everything I have done is a needed foundation. Speaking is great. It helps people think, but I need to offer them the next steps. It needs to be more than my book.”
He nods at that, it makes sense. I go on, “It’s really weird. I feel like I am re-starting, but I see it. I see the future. I see it all working. I truly know I will get there. There is no doubt within me at all.”
“What’s your question?” He asks. Once again, he just knows.
“I want to work with this company, to help me get there. There is something about them that I know will push me to the level I want to be.” I explain.
“So, what’s the problem?” He asks. “I don’t have the cash.” I admit. “I will need to charge it. I will need to go into debt to work with them.”
Without skipping a beat, he explains, “You have to plant the seeds to reap the rewards. If you don’t plant them they can never grow! If you don’t buy the seeds, you can’t plant them.” I nod as he continues. “If you don’t have money to buy the seeds, I think it makes sense to borrow the money. Because with the seeds you plant, they can grow, and in the fall, you will be able to harvest the crops to pay off your debt.”
“So, if I don’t plant the seeds, my business is done. Or at least it can’t grow, because I never planted the seeds.” He nods as I ask, “But is it the right time?”
“You can only plant in the spring!” He states the obvious and continues, “You have to be willing to take a risk. You will not get there by playing it safe.”
I know without asking that it is the spring of my business. I feel a sense of peace wash over me as I open my eyes. Thanks Dad, I just knew you were the one to ask. I feel so much better. I just needed to know you support my decision.
I realized I have no choice. I see the future business and it has grown, which it can only do if I plant the seeds! I MUST TAKE THE RISK!